Still living in the past..

After all these years,

I'm still wondering about life

Still wondering what am I chasing?

So many years has passed,

My friends changed

Everyone has grown up

Yet I'm still not changing

Still wearing black
Still having that infamous long hair

Still chasing that long lost dream

I wish I could just give up everything

Every night I still feel the same damn thing for the past 5 years

In fact I'm miserable

Some call me immature

Some call me stubborn

But trust me

I wish I could just move on with my life and do what everybody does

Work like normal people

Dress like normal people

And be happy for once

But hey

It's not a sin to be just another dreamer 

Recalling back the memories.

Why are the good old times always the best?

Well,

From what I heard, 

Because the things in the past, the people, the memory

Never changed .

Most of us miss the good old times

Looking at the present now

Everything changes,

Friends have their own job, moved on the so-called "good'o days"

We meet new people, new motivation and new goals

But if there's a chance for you to go back,

I wonder how many people would actually take it?

Sorry readers for all the past emo posts.

This was suppose to be a blog about my life,
And not about what I feel
Well I'm sorry guys .

To be frank, there isn't much to blog about my life,
Because basically my life is really boring right now,
Filled with obstacles :(

Facing financial problem and so much more,
Well... At least I've learned to accept things are what they are now

I once read a quote,
It goes something like," Why take life seriously? Because we will never make it out alive."
Hopefully I can live life like what the quote says.

Hopefully I can make my days better sooner or later :)
Let's just hope

回忆永远是最美丽...

再美丽的爱情，再美丽的付出

...

也只是一种回忆

...


如果我们真的没有希望了
-
以后当你有机会跟你朋友或是以后的男友说起了我们之间的故事，

我希望
...
你会是笑着说的
...
这样我才知道，你跟我一样
都觉得这段感情，这些回忆是美丽的

是否应该继续

让你受苦

...

是否应该结束

让你自由

...

是否应该改变

让你冒险

...

是否应该残忍

让你怪我

...

是否应该停止想念

让自己好点

...

我心里那属于只有你我的世界，

你已经渐渐的消失

留下我一个人守护着这世界

我不浪漫~

其实说过这句“我不浪漫”的人有多少人啊。。
但有几个是像我这样失败的呢？

我对这世界一直都是不想理这样多，
我在乎的很简单，就是自己爱的人还有我的家人
对于季节，我真的没有什么意见，也不懂得要怎么样
其实我真的有为了有些你失望的事而烦，烦了好多天
但是做不到什么，说什么也没有用

对不起
我不会恋爱

-我真的相信我配不上你了

期盼一个人的安慰，

不如自己去静一静，

去听听歌，

让自己的心来安慰自己... ?

心烦的时候，

为何还是有那么多的障碍,

在最不对的时候，

为什么就是最需要一个人的时候.. ? 

人生也许该靠的是自己

想要依赖一个人，

那人未必会让你依赖

我觉得人性都是自私的

再怎么爱，再怎么在乎

其实最在乎的都是自己

"有人說,
愛是條河
 容易將柔弱的蘆葦淹沒

 有人說，
愛是把剃刀
 會任由你的靈魂淌血

 有人說，
愛是種饑渴
 一種無盡的帶痛的需求

 我說，
愛是一朵花
 而你，
只是花的種籽
 害怕破碎的心
 永遠學不會跳舞
 害怕醒來的夢
 永遠沒有機會
 不願吃虧的人
 不懂得付出
 憂心死亡的靈魂
 不懂得生活
 當夜顯得寂寞不堪
 去路顯得無盡漫長
 當你覺得只有幸運者
 及強者才有幸得到愛

 謹記，
在嚴寒的冬日裡 酷雪的覆蓋下，
躺著一顆種籽 一旦春陽臨照，
就能幻化成一朵玫瑰
..... "

The End Of The Year 2012

So life passed me by quickly,
I haven't been writing or updating so much in either Facebook or my blog anymore.

So far
This year has the biggest changes ever
I can't say it's good or bad
I think it's something in between

I'm no longer playing music
And it's a really really sad thing to say
Anyhow, if someone ask me what is my dream
My heart would always say,"music".

I don't go out that often anymore
And even when I do, I go with my girl

I don't play competitive gaming anymore
Kinda obvious reason eh?

Life to me
I feel lost
I feel complete
I feel incomplete

Everything is in between
I don't know how I feel actually
Because to me, I think nobody really knows what they are searching for in life right?

I feel pathetic most of the times
I'm 21 years old right now, and I haven't achieve anything yet
YET I'm still being stubborn, sticking to my own ego and theory on life

When I was young, if you ask me
I would say it's worth it
But now?
I'm not so sure anymore

I just gotta say
Life right now, I cannot say that I'm happy
But I cannot say that I'm sad either

I just feel lost
....

Holding On To What I Believe.

Still..

Believing in my ego and hope

Having strong faith in what I do

And still believing that one day I'll succeed.

Is it true that dreams can come true?

Just for the music dream, I've given up so much things

And I do regret some of the things that I've given up

We were so close

But in the end it didn't come out

Right now

All I hope for is a carefree life

2 months ago I was filled with hope

But I guess struggling in everything is necessary

Hopefully everything turn out okay for me

To be frank,

I'm quite lost at this moment

I've kinda lost direction on what to go for

But still

I keep on believing what's right

Even when my parents tell me I'm wrong

Is it worth it?

I doubt myself sometimes

Sometimes I just wanna give up

And live like everyone else

But we only live once eh.. ?

两个不同世界的一个爱

最近我们怎么了？

我感觉你离我越来越远了

...

这几天的我

已经失去了自我

我好想你

你知道吗？

看着你的照片

看着我们的照片

眼泪无法控制的留了下来

你让我好衰弱

这几天我真的是习惯了一个人坐着发呆

回想我们的回忆

回味我们的甜蜜

想着当时的我们

到今天的我们

只想问你一句

“你是不是累了？”

...

我需要你

真的是需要你

但是

你知道吗？

"I'll be there for you whenever you need me,

But would you do the same for me?"

我们的爱

我知道是一段很长的路

我也知道很辛苦

还记得我们要在一起时我问了你的那个问题吗？

的确是没有错

..

爱了就不会抱怨

爱了就觉得值得

爱了就是要付出

我从来不觉得累

但是我觉得我自己好失败

为什么我都不能让你开心？

为什么我一直让你伤心难过？

为什么我一直让你发脾气？

你说你脾气差

我真的好像成为那第一个不会让你轻易发脾气的人

看来我真的是做不到

每当我说了我的感觉

说了我的不安

都会让你误会

...

难道沉默真的是答案吗？

我们还是不是一样的坚强？

会不会放弃？

我担心了

担心这些泪水会让我们忘记了笑容

你会不会有天就告诉我你真的累了？

觉得不值得了？

你的个性真的是太好强了

我感觉我好像遇见了我自己

我也不能怪你

因为你就是另一个世界的我

...

而我也败给了你

写着写着

泪水也会流

我真的是很没用

我不是一个像你所说的男人

我也做不到你要的

再努力也是不够

...

我做了一些你不喜欢做的事

你一定会报仇..

这就是你

我也接受了

也没抱怨

但是你知道吗？

其实有很多东西你不喜欢我做的

你也做了

...

我却自己告诉我自己

小问题就忍

不想又说出来你又对我冷了

但是有时还是会说说你

你又不开心了

...

最近我的forex也输了蛮多钱

我很不开心啊..

我好想跟你抱怨这个

但是我都没有这个机会

每当我跟你说了，“我心情今天不好 ”

我多么期盼的 “不要不开心，我陪你” 一直都没得到

你都是说 “我今天也是心情不好”

..

我放下我的依赖

想反过来哄你

但是还是失败了

最后又是吵架

~

在你心中

我相信我的位置开始改变了

你说对吗？

我开始感觉到了

..

对不起

我没有钱

没有车

我什么都没有

我有的只是一颗爱你的心

还有我的坚持

对你来说也许不够

但是我真的很努力的给你更多了

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

我的脾气不好

我的尊严也很强

我有很多要求

也有很多自己的道理和信念

一直都傻傻的让你生气不开心

让你委屈了

但是我会一直爱你

一心一意的爱你

也不会背叛你

这样的我

你接受吗？

简单就是幸福

生命就是不停的追寻..

追寻什么？

没有人真正可以回答..

在这世界上，

其实人就是不知足，

才会一直不断的寻找更多..

其实我们人..

简简单单，开开心心跟我们的家人，我们爱的人一起过每一天，

就是最完美的幸福~

人一旦得到了，就觉得平淡，

想要更多的激情，

但是这所谓的激情又是什么？

激情得到了，

如果是不好的，就会让我们更加懂得珍惜“平淡”..

但是我们人，能经得起多少个激情呢？

万一太多的激情，而过不了其中一个，

那不就是放弃了“平淡”，放弃了幸福吗?

生命可以很简单，

也可以很复杂..

每个人所求的都不一样..

学会珍惜，

学会知足，

就是最简单，最平淡的幸福..

剩下的一切，得到的只是暂时的快乐，暂时的笑容...

这暂时的快乐，

真的能胜过这长久的幸福吗？

我们人就是只看到短暂的快乐，短暂的一切，

却看不到我们已经有的幸福..

The Year 2012

Life has never been perfect for me

But I accept it for what it is.

2012 is a big change,

In fact, it is the biggest~

I've lost a lot of things,

Friends, my best friend, all the time when nothing else matter, and of cause a lot more including my dreams.

But not saying that I regret anything,

Personally I don't think that people should ever feel regret over something because everything has a choice, and we are the ones making it.

I've lost a lot of things,

But at the same time I've gained something extraordinary, too

I'm now officially involved in Forex trading and I'm loving it,

My dream work, so far so good and hopefully it stays like this forever.

I've met someone and now she plays a really big part in my life,

She's everything I have ever wanted and at the same time, everything that I'm afraid of.

Sound complicated eh? But it's not that bad

I feel grateful :) ♥

我崩溃的时候

只是要你的陪伴

~

其实在我心里

很多东西都不是像你想的那样

是你误会我了

...

Life?

Life's hard
Everything is literally going against me right now
Everything I do
Career
Dream
Love
Money
What's next?

I've got myself into something I really don't know what to do
From what it seems,
I'm the bad guy
I'm the one hurting people
But when you look behind all these, you'll find something so much different
Everything I do is for the rights of everyone
Yet everyone thinks that I'm the bad guy

But that's me I guess?
Me and my so-called kind heart
I'm hurting myself for you guys ;')

Hopefully things get better
I'm sorry for those that I hurt
But if you're one of them and reading this,
I think you guys deserve to know that,
There's a reason behind everything I do

I'm sorry
Put the blame on me

My Life's A Mess

Sometimes I really do wonder
Why do I hold on so much to my ego?
What's up with my believing?
And me chasing my dream?
Is it possible?

Until today I still chose to believe
Because that's what keeps me alive
But that's also what makes everything so hard

Seriously?
Living the dream?
It's really a long hard road
And I'm still struggling to get through
I never wanna walk back to the reality

But somehow
Is it worth it?
Sometimes I'm doubting myself, what would happen in the end?
Would I really be happy when I achieve that so-called dream?
What if I regret everything?

Another Update ~

Hey guys
It's me again
And I'm so sorry for the lack of updates!

Life is getting tough on me
I've kinda lost my direction and I don't know what should I go for.
If I go for my dream, money is a problem.
But if I go for the money, I'm not happy!
What should I do guys?

Seriously life's a mystery :/
By the way guys I'm just writing whatever is on my mind so this post might be not-so-organized
Forgive me :(

Guys
Is it possible to literally use music / playing as a band to make a living in MALAYSIA?

New Hope New Life

Hey
As you guys know this blog is kinda dead
And I really try my best to keep it alive
Sorry!
I don't really have time for myself too now
I'm busy with my business, training, band and yes.. life itself.

Everything I do is for the future now
And hopefully everything go smoothly
One day I'll achieve everything that I need
I believe :)



And yeah
I miss Vaz.. so much
Everything I do I think of him :(
Sigh~~ ...
This blog is full of him..
Memories.. I never realized that those days were actually the best..
How much I wish I can live like that again.. With him beside me

Guys
For those that are still following my blog
I appreciate it
Believing something fully is something powerful
And I believe in everything I do
Because I know I can and I know it will.

Picking Up The Pieces

I've suddenly realized that I've neglected this blog for a long time
As you guys know, I've been through a really rough time..
So much pain, so much lost, and so much suffering that me and the people around me have to go through..

I personally lost my best friend,
A guy that I see everyday
A guy that went to the same primary school with me
A guy that went to the same high school with me
A guy that went to the same academy with me
Someone that I know for 13 years
And without me noticing it, he has always been the best friend deep in my heart

Every time there's a quiz or anything with questions like, "write a friend's (male) name that come to your mind," and no doubt that would be you..

Life's really hard for me now..
Things changed
I have so much to worry about
And I really wanna fulfill everything that he ever wanted

This blog has so much memory of us together
And I'm gonna make it alive again..

I miss you my friend..
I miss you.. Kiat..