My Life's A Mess

Sometimes I really do wonder
Why do I hold on so much to my ego?
What's up with my believing?
And me chasing my dream?
Is it possible?

Until today I still chose to believe
Because that's what keeps me alive
But that's also what makes everything so hard

Seriously?
Living the dream?
It's really a long hard road
And I'm still struggling to get through
I never wanna walk back to the reality

But somehow
Is it worth it?
Sometimes I'm doubting myself, what would happen in the end?
Would I really be happy when I achieve that so-called dream?
What if I regret everything?

Another Update ~

Hey guys
It's me again
And I'm so sorry for the lack of updates!

Life is getting tough on me
I've kinda lost my direction and I don't know what should I go for.
If I go for my dream, money is a problem.
But if I go for the money, I'm not happy!
What should I do guys?

Seriously life's a mystery :/
By the way guys I'm just writing whatever is on my mind so this post might be not-so-organized
Forgive me :(

Guys
Is it possible to literally use music / playing as a band to make a living in MALAYSIA?